


Where do we draw the line

by keepfacepalm



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, Steve and Tony friendship - Freeform, Steve and Tony made up, Steve's Pov, but I like him here, happy end for Tony Stark, not so much for Steve, set after events of Civil War, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25201630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepfacepalm/pseuds/keepfacepalm
Summary: Why have you done it, Captain Rogers?
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Brock Rumlow, Tony Stark/Winter Soldier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 68





	Where do we draw the line

**Author's Note:**

> Slight AU - there were no Crossbones during events of Age of Ultron, and Steve doesn’t know that he survived. Set after events of Civil War.

Steve fucked up. Steve fucked up beyond belief. 

When he has time to think about what he has done, he is horrified with himself.

There are some lines that shouldn’t be crossed, and in his selfish attempt to salvage part of his past, he crossed plenty of them. 

Now in his worst nightmares he hears ‘So was I’.

He thinks it over and over, and comes to the conclusion that there is only one thing he can do to at least try to make it right. The only one thing he actually will be able to live with.

He comes to Tony with his tail between his legs and apologizes. For everything. 

He is thrown to jail, and it breaks his heart to see Sam, Clint, and Wanda there. It’s his fault. His stupidity put them there. 

At least now they have time and opportunity to talk and think. 

He faces the trial.

The process is long, gruelling, and humiliating. Governments are pissed, people are scared, and journalists are having a blast, dragging everything to light over and over again. New videos are brought to public's attention, new consequences of his actions surface every day, and most of them are not positive at all. It is painful to see, painful to know that it is all his doing. And every time new evidence is presented to him, the same question is asked.

Why have you done it, Captain Rogers?

‘Because it was right’, he cannot even say it, he cannot even make himself to believe in it anymore.

‘For my friend’, he wants to say, but words do not get past his lips, burning in his mouth like a lie it is. 

‘For myself’, he tries, but that sounds and tastes even worse. 

‘I just wanted not to lose the last thing that I had’, and it’s so stupid, pathetic, and unworthy, he was never more ashamed of himself in his life. He had Tony, and he had Avengers, and he had a future, but the past came calling (mostly in his imagination) and he broke down. Because the truth is… 

He’s compromised. He has PTSD, and he has issues, and he’s not adjusted to the future. He tried to fake it till he make it, but he never made it. He pretended to be ok, while he was anything but, and keep the face of the national hero, who obviously doesn’t need therapy, because he is perfect.

Oh God, Steve Rogers is so far from perfect, and now the whole world is aware of that. 

He is messed up, and he doesn’t know how to make it right, and he doesn’t really want to fight about it anymore. He just gives up. They will all be better off without him and definitely without him calling shots. 

But.

Tony, Tony who he left on the concrete floor of Siberian bunker, beaten and bloody, steps in. Tony and his army of lawyers, his charm and charisma gets them all out. The world needs them, he says. There are threats out there no one else is equipped to deal with. 

As a result, they are serving their sentences as Avengers, under control and without option to deny a mission, under constant surveillance and their every step is to be reported. 

He signs bloody Accords, fully understanding that if not for his pigheadedness they would not be that strict. 

And the irony is that it was all for naught.

Bucky Barnes, the ultimate trigger of his breakdown, does not exist anymore.

They were separated pretty much instantly after surrendering, so they do not see each other until after they are all back to the compound. There are formal introductions to be made, of new members of the team, their handlers, people who they will be reporting to, etc. Steve tries his best to smile reassuringly at blank faced Bucky, standing behind Tony’s shoulder until Tony says:

‘Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Winter Soldier’.

See, Steve went to therapy. He is better now. He does not jump to the conclusions right away. He believes in Tony. They are in formal setting. He immediately understands that there is a reason that it’s not ‘James Buchanan Barnes’.

Steve is actually very smart. 

Turns out the Winter Soldier is too. 

Tony explains it very briefly - Hydra was not shy in using untested experimental technology, so by the time they manage to get a hand on conditioning there were pretty much nothing left of Bucky. They ‘grew’ the Winter Soldier, taught him, and molded him into the Fist of Hydra. 

After some time spent around the man, Steve can confirm that he is nothing like Bucky. They move differently, act differently, think differently. Even on his bad days he can’t catch a single glimpse of his best friend in the Soldier.

The Soldier has some of Bucky’s memories (very few), and he is even better trained than Natasha. So, he did some research, visited Smithsonian, watched some reels, and played Steve like a fiddle. Made him run after the Soldier, fight for the Soldier, protect the Soldier.

Steve couldn’t blame him for lying. He, too, would have used any opportunity to get away from Hydra. Steve is sad, of course, that Bucky no longer exists, even if his body is still breathing and moving around, but he gets it. He even gets over it.

He wonders for a long time why the Soldier decided to break the cover. The truth added a lot of complications, provoked additional investigations, put a lot of restrictions. Many governments flipped their shit and demanded his death, what’s left of Hydra tried time and again to get him back under control, and other… interested parties were very determined to get him for study. The choice seems illogical, and the Soldier doesn’t seem the type to do the right thing just because it’s the right thing. He stops wondering when Avengers start to work together again. 

He watches the Soldier interacting with Tony, and the answer seems obvious. 

He did it for Tony.

When he finally gets it Steve… feels like something just breaks inside of him. 

When he woke up in this new century, with everything he knew gone, with Peggy old and dying, he was sure that it will be the thing that breaks him. It was not. New York didn’t break him, finding and losing Bucky didn’t break him, guilt over his crimes didn’t break him. But the Soldiers’ feelings for Tony, his ultimate sacrifice, not dying, but living and facing the terrible consequences, shouldering unfairness and fears of humanity, the evidence that love that strong can exist does it. 

Because he is in love too. And he is pretty sure he was loved back. But it didn’t turn out very well, and he kept telling himself that there are things that will always be stronger than love - convictions, choices made long ago, circumstances. Now this illusion is shattered, and something in him is shattered too. 

Steve used to think that the worst thing was that he loved, truly loved Brock. Now he understands - the worst thing was that he is pretty sure Brock loved him back just as madly. 

Bock’s love was a poisonous thing, all encompassing, and dangerous. Steve wasn’t delusional about it. Brock was possessive, aggressive, and cruel, even if it was usually masked by friendly smiles and professionalism. But Rumlow was passionate, so passionate, even if his passion was dark. The thing that drawed Steve in was that somehow it was not abusive. Like Brock wanted, desperately wanted to break Steve, to hurt him, to wreck him, but couldn’t bring himself to. 

Steve read his files - his real files, mission reports for Hydra, and now he is perfectly well aware what his lover is capable of. Steve felt danger lurking beneath the surface, because he’s not stupid and quite perceptive, but Brock have never, ever hurt him. 

Steve loved the thrill of going to sleep next to a monster, even if he didn’t know how right he was comparing Brock to a monster.

  
***  
  


‘Look,’ Tony is clearly uncomfortable but determined. ‘It’s obvious that you have a problem with the Soldier and me. So, let’s... I dunno. Face it. Talk about it. Do something about it, like functional adults we are.’

Steve just looks at him, and Tony, never the one to be comfortable in silence, continues.

‘What is it? Can’t see your Bucky with a man?’

‘No! No!’ Steve frantically shakes his head. ‘I know that Bucky is gone. I have no problem with the Soldier. I know that my best friend is dead, and I made my peace with it. And it is totally not about you two being male.’

‘Then what is it?’ Tony frowns, trying to find an explanation. 

Steve looks at him, at his now best friend, that forgave him their mess of first meeting, his epic fuck up with Accords, and all the smaller mistakes that are too many to count. Steve takes a deep breath and starts talking, for the first time telling anyone about Brock. And once he starts, he couldn’t stop.

He tells how they met, how they got together, how they fell in love, and how it went crashing down around them. He talks for hours, buring poor Tony under all memories about his love, he tells how they flirted, how they sparred, how seamlessly they worked together on missions. He tells about how Brock smiled - how there were thousands of different smiles, about shadows in Brock’s eyes, about his laugh lines. He tells about jokes, and banter, and where they went together. He tells about scars on Brock’s body and how he drank beer more bitter than his soul. How he felt his heart ripped out of his chest when Brock turned out to be Hydra, how it was to truly fight him for the first time, and how Steve wishes that he was buried under SHIELD building right beside Rumlow. 

Tony just sits there, and listens, until Steve finishes. They are on the couch, Steve’s face in his palms.

‘And, yeah. To answer your question.’ He makes himself to continue. ‘I know that the Soldier is no better than Brock. I know he is violent. Cruel. There is not a trace of kindness or compassion in him. Maybe, he is worse than Brock. But. He chose you. Above everything and anything else. He went through public trial, and endless line of psychiatrists and doctors, and tolerates all the security measures.’

Steve can’t imagine how hard it was, is, for the Soldier to have his every step watched, every action measured. But for Tony, for the chance to be with Tony, he turned himself in to the government, he submitted himself to testing, even allowed Charles Xavier into his mind. Steve knows the Soldier barely tolerates them all at best, but because of Tony he wouldn’t do anyone harm.

Steve swallows the lump in his throat and continues.

‘Brock didn’t choose me. If only he… I don’t care that he was Hydra. I don’t care what he did. If he would have chosen me, I would have lied, I would have… But he didn’t, and got himself killed on top of it. I don’t like to think about it, but I am sure that even if he survived I would have never have what you have. I am reminded about it every time I see you two together, and it hurts like a bitch. I am happy for you, I truly am. It is not jealousy. It is envy.’

‘I.. I don’t know what to say. What can I do to make you feel better?’

‘Just… ignore it. Please. Now you know what it’s all about, so don’t play guessing games or blame yourself. And don’t avoid me, please, it’ll be worse if I’ll drive you away or mess things up between you and the Soldier.’

‘So,’ Tony starts tentatively. ‘You are saying that seeing me and the Soldier makes you envious, but it’ll be worse if we try to change something about our behavior, so we should continue as it is and let you sort it out for yourself?’

‘Yes, and I am sorry for being such a selfish idiot. It might take time. A lot of it.’

‘It’s ok, Steve,’ Tony squeezes his shoulder. ‘We are ok. And I am here for you.’

‘Thank you, Tony. Just, so you know. I am so fucking thankful that after everything I did you are still here. You are my best friend.’

‘I thought this title belonged to Bucky?’

‘Bucky is dead. And life moves on.’

Tony smiles, and Steve feels a bit better.

‘Brock is dead too. I will move on.’

***

He starts his days with that mantra, and he ends them with it. He even manages to fool himself that it is getting better, until Tony asks him to go to workshop, urgently. 

There are some videos playing on moving screens, but Steve pays them no mind for now, waiting for an explanation. 

‘Steve, I.. I don’t know how to tell you.’ Tony runs his hands through his hair, not for the first time, judging by the looks of it. ‘But… he’s alive, Steve.’

Tony looks at him expectantly, but Steve still doesn’t get it.

‘Who?’

‘Your Brock. He is alive.’

The world _stills_. Tony makes Jarvis to show them photos and videos from some surveillance cameras, and all Steve sees is Brock and scars, so many scars. Steve feels just as scarred, covered in marks from the worst day in his life. Then Brock smiles, and Steve wants to scream. 

Because he can’t get a damn break Steve doesn’t even get a chance to process it. The reason Tony learned it is that those vids are in their next mission briefing. Mission that he can’t even refuse. He should at least try, he knows, he should learn by now not to do anything while so badly compromised, but he will have to explain himself to the Accords Board and… And Steve is just a human, and _Brock is alive_ , and he doesn’t have any illusions left about himself or the lengths he will go for those he loves. Even when he really, really shouldn’t. 

He looks at Tony and the desperation he feels must be plain to see, because Tony squeezes his shoulder and tells him it will all be alright. 

Steve doesn’t really feel like anything will be alright ever again. 

***

The base is huge, and the Avengers are separated. Something damaged the communications, and it is most definitely a trap set for them. Steve fights like a man possessed, he might go down today, but he will not do so before seeing Brock. Not the most healthy mindset, but he currently has no other.

There is an explosion, and the power of it sends him flying. He blinks the black spots out of his vision undetermined time later when someone grabs him by the collar and lifts. 

It’s him. Steve knows it’s him, even when his vision is a mess of shapes and his thoughts are sluggish with a fresh concussion. 

‘Well, well, well’, drawls Brock, ‘look who came to try and ruin my plans.’

‘What the hell’, croaks Steve, ‘did you get yourself into this time?’

‘Oh you know, same old, same old’, Brock’s free hand is caressing his jaw. ‘Hydra grew another head, was called to do my part.’

‘You can’t honestly believe in that shit,’ Steve swallows, his eyes finally focusing on the face in front of him. ‘You can’t believe in Hydra.’

‘Of course I don’t, I am not stupid,’ Brock whispers conspiratorially, ‘But I have dug my grave long time ago and what is left is to drag others in it’.

Brock holds him to the wall with his body, one hand on the collar and another sliding along his jaw, and whatever hope Steve might have had that at least one of them will be able to break free from their madness slowly evaporates. 

‘Come with me’, Steve tries, because he has to, ‘The Winter Soldier was pardoned, and you could be too.’

‘Oh please,’ Brock laughs, ‘You can’t possibly believe that I will be allowed to live.’

“With the right lawyers, with the right lies…’ words die in Steve’s throat.

They look at each other, and suddenly Brock kisses him. It is possessive and hungry and all those things Brock held back and Steve glimpsed shadows of. It is even better than Steve remembers, and he whimpers between bites and slides of tongues. 

He is not surprised when he feels muzzle of a gun beneath his jaw.

“You are weak.’ Brock chuckles. ‘Good fuck or two and great Captain America forgets all his shiny morals. So easy. To fuck. To fool. To kill.’

‘Oh?’ Steve raises an eyebrow, not at all bothered by cold metal on his heated skin. ‘Great job, then. Fucked me, fooled me. Now, kill me. Go on. Pull the trigger.’

Predictably, he is still alive. So, he pushes.

‘Come on, since you were just fooling me. Free me from yourself. Just one shot, and I will never come to ruin your plans again.’

That’s the thing. Brock _loves_ him. He might want to hurt Steve, to punish him, to break him, but to _let him go_? Never. Steve’s life is perfectly safe with him. Emotional stability probably not, but his life? Brock wouldn’t just not take it, he’ll _defend_ it. 

There is an explosion nearby that breaks the spell, and they remember that they are not alone at this base.

Brock clenches his jaw and takes a few steps back. 

‘Love you,’ says Steve, not moving from the wall. ‘Take care.’

Brock freezes for a heartbeat, then turns and runs out of the room.

Steve picks himself up and goes to find others. All Hydra goons on Brock’s way out are dead.

***

‘Where is he?’

‘Gone.’

Steve turns to face Tony, who has strange expression on his face. It suddenly dawns on him. 

Tony made sure he and Brock were alone. Had a chance to talk. Tony, who believed in people even after everything he’s been through, Tony, who is just so fucking _good_ and has so much faith.

Steve doesn’t know how to tell him. Words come out of his mouth anyway. 

‘He… he has made his choice. And it’s not me. I made my choice too.’ He swallows. ‘He doesn’t love me enough to try and take responsibility for what he’s done. I don’t love him enough to join Hydra.’

Steve is tired, so fucking tired and so fucking hurt. Everything aches, his heart the most. He drags himself into the jet and slumps in the corner. 

Steve watches the Winter Soldier treating Tony’s wounds, just a few scrapes and bruises, and feels familiar pang of envy. He closes his eyes.

When he thought Brock was dead there were no option for him than to just suck it up and get over it. The future looked bleak and washed out. Now… nightmarish scenarios unfold in his mind. What will Brock do, what will he himself do, what will their love and weakness wreak. They cannot kill each other, they cannot join each other, they cannot let each other go.

Some things are stronger than love. 

Not him. 


End file.
